This was written on Jan. 3, 2022
This journey I have often dreamed of happened in April 2014 when I went to CNA classes. I have one memory from the first day of class: “How will I ever do this?”. I went to work at Sunset Home Assisted Living Facility as a caregiver. I wondered what I had decided to do during my first few weeks of work because I really disliked it. This work was not for me. But the work grew on me. Every time I thought of continuing on and getting my nursing degree, I would remember how I fainted out cold when I watched the phlebotomist draw a lady’s blood in the lab. Well, another dream down the hole. But…. I went to Gallup and volunteered in the childcare shelter. While there I took kids to the Doctor I realized I never felt like I was going to pass out when they got shots or their blood drawn. Why? I will never know. Moral of the story: I hope I don’t faint in my first IV… Fast forward to now (3 days till my first pre-requisite class) and sometimes I wake up and I think, I will never do this… In the middle of the day, it seemed like a great idea. Well, so life goes. Every time a new thing starts for me, this is what happens. The moment where I say it won’t work, but unfortunately I am in too far now to quit. If I don’t try I will never know. And then there is the question of why you decided to be a nurse. What should the answer be? This is the best one I have thought of. I love to help people when they are sick. I like to ease their pain and make it just a bit better. Or just to talk to people when they need someone to talk to. I am a loner by all standards. Yes, there are days I just want to be alone. So to the mountains I go to find silence and peace. Somehow I just picked a people job.
Now it is hard to remember what the beginning dream felt like, as I am in my Junior year, and spend many hours in the hospital working as a student nurse. I did not faint on my first IV, in fact, I felt quite exhilarated. But, I do want to take a moment to reflect on the day I nearly dropped nursing school in September 2024. I totaled my car on my drive home from orientation to Logan Health, I changed jobs, and I was feeling overwhelmed with school. I started to type out an email to one of my nursing instructors, which I deleted and called my dad instead for some advice. He said I had to put too much work in to drop out now. I am so thankful for those words now. However, just a week ago, I started feeling down about the amount of work I am doing to achieve this goal, and wanted to drop it all again. I am not sure what happened over the last few weeks but I have felt depressed. When this starts happening, I lose my ability to concentrate and all of my drive to go to work and get my school assignments done on time. The dark winter months and working nearly 36-40 hours per week are starting to take their toll. I am currently taking 16 credits, which include mental health, med-surg 2, ethics and issues, and maternal child. No words can prepare a nursing student for the overwhelmed and blue feeling of a dark winter day with 8 hours of work, 3 hours of class, and 4 hours of homework. However, this too shall pass.
nursing jan 