Well, the age I had always said would be my deciding point of no return was coming. I had always said if by 25 I was not married, I would go to nursing school. I would swear off marriage forever. I would become an old maid, nurse Nancy. I was nearly 25, and would turn the dreaded age in just a few months. How was I supposed to decide what the plan was for my life? I had asked God, I had searched my heart, and I had my own ideas. I felt drawn to a few days of isolation to come to a decision.
I’m really not sure what happened inside of my brain, but I looked at the map and decided that riding from Cataldo Mission to Wallace, Idaho, would solve my indecision. I booked a night in CDA and chose my days.
On a crisp fall morning in 2021, I loaded my bike in my Jeep, checked the oil, and checked the tire pressure. I packed a water bottle, a change of clothes, and my phone charger. I can still picture the azure blue sky as I came up over the Fourth of July Pass, and descended towards Cataldo Mission. The yellow larches shone amongst dark green pines. The shadowy forest floor was dark but dotted with colorful underbrush. I stopped at the Mission, and wandered the grounds, enjoying letting my brain time travel back to the 1850s when indigenous peoples and the Jesuits passed through the doors. I could feel the spirits of long deceased elders contending with the white man’s beliefs. The creak of the door in the deserted church sprung images of an Italian priest, Father Ravalli, standing where I stood almost 200 years before, surveying the landscape. I could imagine curious eyes peering from behind trees to see what the “white girl” was doing in their land. I found a quiet, dilapidated cemetery down past the mission where a some undefinable feeling pervaded the air.
Mid-morning, I left the mission, found a place to park, unloaded my bike, and began to ride. The trail passed through fields, along the river, and through forests. Men in hunting gear stared at me as I rode by. An old bridge over the river beckoned, so I detoured and spent some time on the bridge watching the water. Nearing Wallace, the sun disappeared, and rain started to fall. I took out my poncho, and continued riding. I rode until I saw the lake. The wind was blowing so hard over the lake, I could not make much headway, so I turned and started pedaling back. Now it was cold, cold to the bone. My hands went numb, and my toes started to lose feeling. When I reached my Jeep, I could barely make my fingers work enough to load my bike back in. With heaters blowing, I started back to Fourth of July Pass. About to the top, my vehicle started to smoke and smell funny. I pulled over at the top, turned off my Jeep, and waited until the steam (smoke?) stopped rolling out from under the hood. I checked my oil, saw it had burned a lot since my last oil check, and then coasted down into CDA.
The hotel turned out to be a win and a lose. I had been dreaming of the hot tub but, of course, that was closed. However, they gave me a suite with a huge tub. I ran a full tub of steaming hot water, made some hot tea, got a book, and slid down under the warmth. I sat in that water until it turned cold.
At some point, my ride actually loaded onto Strava and showed nearly 70 miles of riding that day. The next day, I could not sit comfortably. Somewhere in here, I became settled on the idea that I really wanted to pursue nursing. It was not an audible voice of God, it was not a sudden feeling, it was a quiet knowing. I drove home the next day with this knowledge.
Thinking back on this experience, I wish I could pinpoint a prayer I prayed, or a memory of how I communed with God, however, I know He rode with me on this bike ride. I know He guided my thoughts. I had nearly 10 hours of complete and utter silence. Other than the hunters and a couple walkers, I had no one to talk to. I was utterly alone. I became willing somewhere in here for never having my own family. Although people tell me it can still happen, I did feel God asked me to lay this down. I came home with a resolve that God did not want me to get married or have my own children. He was calling me to a different life. So although I was quietly settled and happy driving home, I had a bit of sadness in my soul.
In this time, I also felt God moving me to read the story of Esther and Daniel. He said if I had courage like them, I would be successful. If I need to be reminded, all I need to do is reread these books in the Bible. These are people who have faced harder trials than most people will ever face, and they stood with faith, and obeyed God.
And He changeth the times and the seasons: He removeth Kings, and setteth up Kings: He giveth wisdom unto the wise, and knowledge to them that know, understanding. (Daniel 2:21)
My God hath sent his angel, and hath shut the lions’ mouths, that they have not hurt me: forasmuch as before him innocency was found in me; and also before thee, O king, have I done no hurt. (Daniel 6:22)
nursing jan 